Mothers

I just remembered something that happened many years ago. To put this in context, my parents are super Christian and pretty narrow minded about 'proper' behaviour

I was living at home with my parents after moving back in to complete my social work degree. I was dating my NOW husband, so I would have been 22, 23ish years old.

My parents had been away, so my boyfirned and I had some people over, had some drinks etc and of course he stayed the night, we used the pull-out sofa bed becuase it could fit both of us on it. It was nothing crazy or messy. My parents came home the next morning and we were up and about, we hadn't been caught 'in the act' so to speak. It was however, very clear the boy had slept over - thankfully I had sat under my doona (on my single bed) for a little bit after showering ( I don't know why, but it was something I used to do), so it looked like we had slept in separate rooms.

It seemed all fine, my parents very happy that the boyfriend hadn't driven home if he'd had a couple of beers, having friends over was cool, we had cleaned up well. No dramas.

Then........... my mother comes right out (to both of us) and says,' did you sleep together?' (it may have been more blunt, but I think I have blocked that out. Too embarassing). Anyway, knowing that this would be highly frowned upon I denied it and moved on.

Thinking back, I should have said: it's not really any of your business because I am over 18 and can make my own lifestyle decisions. But there is no way you could ever say anything like that to my mother. She is someone who thinks she is right and that's final. I remember her saying that if I ever wanted to live with a boyfriend without being married, they would never pay for the wedding. I feel quite angry that I have never had the balls to say that I have a different view on the world to her. Even now at 30 I don't fight her opinions.

Having said all of this, I actually think she has made me a good social worker because people say the most outrageous stuff to me all the time, without regard for what could be socially acceptable. I can totally listen to it and agree with them (to their faces) and use their world view to work with them in coming to terms with what is happening for them in the present.

So although I feel anger toward my mother for being so pig-headed, and mad at myself for being a pussy, I am grateful that I have learnt to deal with people who have extreme(ish) views.